The One that Got Away
by allienicole16
Summary: Bella and Edward run into each other 4 years after their relationship ended...they have no idea how much unfinished business they have between them. Read it to learn more! M For sexual situations/abuse/drugs/violence/language
1. I'm still Breathing

**Authors Note: Well everyone being that today is my 23rd birthday i've decided to get back into writing in full force. In order to get the writing juices going I'm starting a new story that is inspired by the new Katy Perry CD and even her old one. So here is the first chapter of The One Who Got Away!**

**Let me know what you think guys!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

* * *

**Chapter One: I'm Still Breathing**

'Deep breaths,' I thought as I walked out onto the stage and took in the crowd in front of me. I turned to Jacob and he nodded at me.

"Wow, look at the crowd we have here tonight Jake," I said as he laughed.

"They're here for a good show tonight, babe. What do you say we give it to them?"

"Of course." I laughed and he started playing the guitar. "Our first number of the evening is called 'I'm Still Breathing'. Enjoy kiddies," I said before I started singing.

_**I leave the gas on**_

_**Walk the alleys in the dark**_

_**Sleep with candles burning**_

_**I leave the door unlocked**_

_**I'm weaving a rope and**_

_**Running all the red lights**_

_**Did I get your attention?**_

'_**Cause I'm sending**_

_**All the signs and**_

_**The clock is ticking**_

_**And I'll be giving**_

_**My 2 weeks**_

_**Pick your favorite**_

_**Shade of black**_

_**You'd best**_

_**Prepare a speech**_

_**Say something funny**_

_**Say something sweet**_

_**But don't say**_

_**That you loved me**_

_**Cause I'm still breathing**_

_**But we've been**_

_**Dead for awhile**_

_**This sickness has no cure**_

_**We're going down for sure**_

_**Already lost a grip**_

_**Best abandon ship**_

_**Maybe I was too pale**_

_**Maybe I was too fat**_

_**Maybe you had better**_

_**Better luck in the sack**_

_**No formal education**_

_**And I swore way too much**_

_**But I swear**_

_**You didn't fucking care**_

_**Cause we were in love**_

_**So as I write this letter and shed my last tear**_

_**Know it's all for the better that we end this here**_

_**Let's close this chapter, say one last prayer**_

_**But don't say that you loved me**_

_**I'm still breathing**_

_**But we've been dead for a while**_

_**This sickness has no cure; we're going down for sure**_

_**Oh we've been diagnosed, so let's give up the ghost**_

'_**Cause I'm still breathing**_

_**But we've been dead for a while**_

_**This sickness has no cure; we're going down for sure**_

_**Already lost our grip, best abandon ship, oh**_

_**Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah**_

_**Oh I'm still breathing, I'm still breathing**_

_**Oh**_

* * *

EPOV:

I walked into the club and looked around at all the people dancing to the filler music that was playing till the act started.

"Thanks for coming with me, baby," Alison said as she squeezed my hand.

I looked down at my girlfriend of six months and smiled. She was something else, really. I kissed her lightly and she smiled.

"You're welcome, baby," I said as she dragged me to the table that was occupied by my sister and best friend.

"Hey, guys," Alice said as we took our seats.

"Hey, Alice. Hey, Jasper." I said as he nodded to me.

"So, Alison says this group is really good. Have you seen them live yet?" Alice asked me as I shook my head.

"It's his first time too," Alison said with a laugh as Alice smiled at her.

"Ladies and gentlemen, The Ex-Files!" the DJ announced as the group took the stage.

I looked up at the band as the singer and her guitarist traded some banter before they started singing. Something about this woman took my breath away and brought up memories from my past. She looked so familiar…almost like-

"Bella," Alice whispered as I turned to her.

"What?"

"Edward…that's Bella," she said without looking at me.

I turned back to the singer and then I saw it. I was too stupid to realize it before but there she was…my Bella.

"Is that your ex-wife?" Alison asked as I nodded.

"Yeah, it is."

I listened to the lyrics and couldn't help but feel like she was singing to only me. The song ended and she immediately threw herself into the next number. It started slow and as she sang memories came back to me.

_**You make me feel like I'm losing my virginity  
the first time every time when you touch me  
I make you bloom like a flower that you've never seen  
under the sun we are one buzzing energy**_

_-Flashback-_

"_Marry me, Bella," I whispered as I held her naked body up against mine in our tiny bed._

_She answered me by crawling on top of me and pushing her wet lips against my aching dick. _

"_Of course," she whispered before she pushed herself down on me and moaned loudly._

_We moved as one and slowly came undone against each other. In that instant I knew. This was the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life loving and the rest of my life wanting. _

_-End Flashback-_

_**Let's pollinate to create a family tree  
this evolution with you comes naturally  
some call it science we call it chemistry  
this is the story of the birds and the bees**_

_**Even the seasons change  
our love still stays the same**_

_**You give me the hummingbird heartbeat  
Spread my wings and make me fly  
The taste of your honey is so sweet  
When you give me the hummingbird heartbeat, hummingbird heartbeat  
Oh oh  
Hummingbird heartbeat  
Oh oh  
Hummingbird heartbeat**_

_**I've flown a million miles just to find a magic seed  
A white flower with the power to bring life to me  
You're so exotic my whole body fluttering  
Constantly craving for a taste of your sticky sweet**_

_**I was on the brink of a heart attack  
You gave me life and keep me coming back  
I see the sun rise in your eyes, your eyes  
We've got a future full of blue skies, blue skies**_

_**Even the seasons change  
Our love still stays the same**_

_**You give me the hummingbird heartbeat  
Spread my wings and make me fly  
The taste of your honey is so sweet  
When you give me the hummingbird heartbeat, hummingbird heartbeat  
Oh oh  
Hummingbird heartbeat  
Oh oh  
Hummingbird heartbeat**_

_**You love me, you love me  
Never love me not, not, oh no  
When we hear a perfect harmony  
You make me sound like, like a symphony**_

_**Spread my wings and make me fly  
The taste of your honey is so sweet  
When you give me the hummingbird heartbeat, hummingbird heartbeat**_

_**You give me the hummingbird heartbeat  
Spread my wings and make me fly  
The taste of your honey is so sweet  
When you give me the hummingbird heartbeat, hummingbird heartbeat  
Oh oh  
Hummingbird heartbeat  
Oh oh  
Hummingbird heartbeat  
Oh oh  
Hummingbird heartbeat  
Oh oh  
Hummingbird heartbeat**_

* * *

BPOV:

The show went wonderfully and before I knew it, time was up. I thanked the crowd and quickly walked behind the stage and out into the crowd. I loved to dance after playing to a crowd like this because I was usually so wound up from the music. So instead of just walking hanging out with Jacob I decided to dance to the music that the DJ was playing. I was really getting into to the point where everyone sort of disappeared and it was only me and the music. That's probably why I never once noticed her until she was standing in front of me.

"Bella." I looked up and saw Alice standing two feet from me.

"Alice," I said before I charged at her and pulled her into my arms.

"I missed you so much!" she said as we pulled apart and a tear came to her eyes.

"I missed you too,Alice. How are you?"

"I'm great…will you come sit with us?"

"Wait, us?" I asked as she pointed to the table. I saw him instantly and noticed that he wasn't alone.

"Alice."

"Come on Bella, please. Jasper misses you so much and I want to catch up for a little while." I couldn't deny my best friend anything so I nodded and followed her to the little table.

"Bella!" Jasper said as he quickly got up and pulled me into a hug.

"Jazz," I whispered as he held me close.

He pulled back and looked into my eyes. "How are you?"

"I'm good," I said as he nodded.

"I missed you a lot sis," he said as I laughed.

"You still think of me as that?"

"Forever." He let me go and moved back to Alice.

I finally looked over at Edward and smiled.

"Edward," I said as he smiled.

"Bella," he said before I turned to his girlfriend and held out my hand.

"Hi, I'm Bella."

"Alison…you guys were really good."

"Thanks, have you been to one of our shows before? You look really familiar."

"Yeah, I saw you guys live a few months ago in Los Angeles."

"Oh yeah, well I'm glad you came out tonight. You'd be surprised how little a following we have."

"Actually, you guys are pretty popular around here."

"That's most likely because I'm from here."

"I didn't know you were in a band," Edward said as I looked up at him.

"I couldn't keep singing alone in the shower forever, Edward."

"You're really good," he said as I smiled.

"Thanks." I turned away from him and started catching up with Alice for a while.

* * *

EPOV:

Bella turned away from me and Alison took my hand in hers.

"Your ex seems really nice."

"Yeah…she seems really different," I said as I watched her talk to Alice.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" Alison asked as I looked down at her.

"What, baby?"

"Why did you two…you know, divorce?"

I took a deep breath and looked over at Bella. "It's a long story."

"Do you want to get out of here?" Alison asked as I nodded.

Alison turned to Alice and excused herself.

"We're going to go you guys, Bella, it was wonderful meeting you."

"You too, Alison. Edward, it was nice seeing you again," Bella said before we got up and walked out of the club.

We drove the ten minutes to my house and Alison held my hand the entire way. We'd been together for the past six months, but I never gotten around to telling her why my marriage fell apart four years ago. Tonight, I was going to change all of that.

We walked into the living room and she pulled me onto the couch with her.

"Do you still want to tell me?" she asked as I brushed her auburn hair back behind her ear.

"I was fourteen when I met Bella…." I started as she scooted closer to me.


	2. Bella

**Authors Note: Wow I got some positive reviews for chapter one...so i'm excited to bring you chapter two. Now i've decided that maybe the genre for this story should be angst because I'm going to be bringing you an OOC Edward & Bella. Now i've never written the type of charaters i'm attempting to write now so if something isnt right PLEASE let me know. I'm loving writing this. It's going to be sexier than anything i've ever attempted before so bear with me please. As always please review. I'm nervous about this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**

* * *

Chapter Two: Bella…**

_14 years ago…._

"Class this is Bella Swan," Mr. James said as I looked up at the front of the room. I took in the girl standing next to our teacher and smiled. She was definitely the type of girl who knew what she wanted and just how to get it. Hers eyes met mine and she gave me a little wink as she smiled.

"Bella, why don't you have a seat next to Edward?" He said as she nodded to him before coming to join me at my table.

She sat down and I was immediately hit with the pure scent of her. She smelled like strawberries and…was that pot? I looked over at her and she smiled at me.

"Sup stud?" She said as I felt my stomach jump up to my throat at the sound of her voice.

"Are you high?" I asked without even thinking first.

She laughed a little and nodded. "Is it that obvious?"

"No I just smelled it on you…I don't think Mr. James even noticed."

"He was too busy checking out my ass." She said as she pointed up towards our teacher who was clearly still trying to see up her skirt.

"He's a pervert…most of the teachers here are."

"Great another school full of freaks." She said before she pulled her notebook out and started doodling in it.

"What are you working on?" I asked as she slid the notebook over to me. I looked down at the pages that were full of cartoon style drawings of people she'd obviously met throughout the day. Jessica, the social butterfly at our school, had on a tee shirt that said slut across it and she was drooling over Mike, the quarterback, like he was a piece of meat. I laughed to myself quietly before pushing the cartoon back to her.

"So what is there to do for fun around here?" She asked when we were supposed to working on our assignment.

"Nothing really, Jessica throws parties here and there, but mostly we all hang out at this meadow in the woods."

"Cool, you guys going there today?"

I stared at her with a look of awe on my face. Never had someone just invited themselves to our meadow...wait I should explain first. See at this school you have your jocks, your preps and then you have the Cullen's. The Cullen's were the social elite of this stupid Podunk school and the only group that no one ever really got into. We were a pretty tight group to say the least, there was my little sister Alice, my older brother Emmett, his girlfriend Rosalie and our childhood friend, Jasper who just so happened to also be Alice's boyfriend. There were plenty of people who tried to get in with us. Lauren, Jessica's second in command, had tried several times and after a few hook ups and some free pot I'd finally managed to get it through her skull that we weren't interested. However the free head and pot wasn't too terrible while it lasted. We were the kids who threw the wild parties every other weekend in our private little meadow, parties that no one except those who were invited knew about. If we had a crasher well we dealt with them in our own little way. We weren't assholes or anything…we just didn't like the people around here and we dealt with it the best way we could. So for her to basically invite herself…well that was a first.

"So you want to be included huh?" I said as she laughed.

"Baby you know if I'm there it's gonna be a party." She said as the bell rang.

We gathered up our stuff and started walking out as she grabbed my wrist and quickly dragged me behind her.

"What are you doing?" I yelled as she kept a tight grip on my wrist.

She dragged me into the closet and shut the door behind us. I heard the click of the light as she pulled the cord and finally got my first real look at her. She was only 5'4 and barely 100 lbs. Her lips were a light pink color that complimented her smoky eye shadow that brought out her chocolate brown eyes. Her body…god her body was to die for. Her tits were the perfect size to cup in my hands and I ached to test out the theory. She wore a tight fitting cobra starship tee shirt, with a jean skirt and leggings and to finish the look she had on wore to hell black chucks that looked like they were two seconds from meeting the trash. All in all she was fine as hell and I wasn't too upset about being alone with her.

"Enjoying the view?" She said as I looked up to find her eyes filled with lust.

"Sorry…I just…there aren't a lot of girls like you in this school."

"Baby there's no one like me in this school." She said before her lips crashed against mine. At first I thought of pushing her away. After all we'd just met not two hours again and we were already hooking up in the janitor closet, but then I realized that if she didn't give a damn then I sure as hell didn't. I pushed my hands up into her hair and pushed her against the wall. Her hands were all over me and I was getting seriously turned on from the feel of my body against hers. I moved my lips from hers and started kissing up and down her neck as she moaned lightly in my ear.

"God the minute I saw you I wanted you." She whispered between moans. I pulled back and looked her in the eyes as she stared at me. I saw the uncertainty and fear in them as she started to pull back, for the first time I saw that this girl was in fact real.

"Hey," I pulled her back against me and lightly kissed her lips, "don't be embarrassed…Bella you're…god you're beautiful, smart, confident and one hell of a kisser. I just…are you sure you want to hook up with some guy on your first day here?"

She pulled away from me with a smile. "Who said we were hooking up?" She opened the door and quickly disappeared before I had a chance to catch my breath.

"What the hell just happened?" I said before I gathered my things and left.

* * *

The rest of the day I tried to find her again, but she was nowhere to be seen. Some people said she was outside while others said she was walking around the school. Either way I never once saw her until I was walking to my Volvo when classes let out. "Oh hell no," I said to myself as I made my way over to the brunette sitting on the hood of my beloved car.

"Get Off," I said in a serious tone as she smirked at me.

"Oh I'm planning on it stud." She said as she ran her tongue across her lips seductively.

"I meant get off the car." I whispered as I tried to get my composure back. She'd caught me off guard with that little tongue thing and I needed to stay focused.

"Relax I just got on it when I saw you walking out of the building." She climbed off my car and walked over to the one parked next to it. I nearly creamed my pants when I saw the 2010 cherry red mustang parked under her ass.

"Is that?"

"Mine, yep she's my baby. I call her cherry." She said as she rubbed the car slowly.

If I hadn't been slightly turned on before I was now and she knew it.

"I take it the sight of her makes you just a little hot doesn't it?" She said as she slowly walked towards me and I felt myself getting even harder.

"Bella," I whispered as she stopped in front of me, "I-"

"Oh Bella I see you met my brother." She turned away from me and towards my sister, who had snuck up behind us during this little interaction.

"Oh yeah we've got a class together…English or something." She said as I tried to get a hold of myself.

"Dude what the hell?" Emmett said as he walked over to me and I tried to push him away.

"Shut it." I said to him as he rolled his eyes and looked at Bella.

"Hey Bella, you hanging with us tonight?" He asked as I finally turned to the group and found Bella standing beside Jasper, who had his right arm draped over Bella's shoulder and Alice's hand firmly in his left.

"Of course she is." Jasper answered for her.

She looked at me and started laughing. "Awe, that was too good!" She turned to Jasper and whispered something in his ear before he too started laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked them as Alice too caught on to whatever they were talking about and starting cracking up as well.

"Edward, Bella here is my cousin." Jasper said and Bella nodded when I looked at her.

"Seriously, dude you never mentioned her."

"That's because her mom, Renee and my mom aren't close anymore. My mom pretty much disowned Renee when she moved to Phoenix when Bella was 2. I haven't seen her in 6 years."

Bella smiled at Jasper before she pulled away and walked back to her car.

"So are you coming tonight or what Bella?" Alice asked as I found myself waiting for her answer.

"Yeah, I'll be there…that is unless Edward has a problem with it?"

Everyone turned to me with pleading eyes as I sighed and rolled mine. "You're more than welcome to come, just don't bring anyone."

"I wouldn't dream of it baby." She said before getting into the sexy machine that was her car and driving away.

Jasper, Alice and I piled into my car and I waited for the onslaught that I was sure was coming and finally sure enough-

"What the hell is going on with you and Bella?" Alice asked and I saw Jasper mimic her face in the rearview mirror.

"I met her in English today and we talked."

"It looked like more than talking to me." She said and I groaned.

"Okay fine we made out a little no big deal."

"Wait you made out with her?" Jasper said.

"Yeah, but it wasn't my idea. She dragged me into the janitor's closet."

"Whatever," He said as he crossed his arms and looked out the window.

Alice gave me a look and I turned away from her towards the road. I knew they were disappointed in me, but I couldn't do anything to change it now.

* * *

I took a long drag off the blunt before passing it off to Jasper, who was already pretty close to being done for the night. I lay back against the rocks as I let the smoke slowly fall from my nostrils and create a little cloud around my head.

"That's so sexy," I looked up and saw Bella standing there in the same outfit as earlier minus the leggings.

I gave her a little smile as she sat down beside me and Jasper passed the blunt to her. She took a drag off it and leaned back against me. I laid there with her just watching the clouds when I felt her turn to me.

"What's up?" I asked without looking down at her.

"Why'd you let me kiss you earlier?" She whispered and I looked down at her.

"I don't know honestly. I just went with what I felt and at that moment I felt like I wanted to kiss you. Why'd you kiss me earlier?"

She pulled the blunt up to her lips again for a drag only this time after she was finished she moved to straddle me and pushed her lips against mine. I inhaled the smoke into my mouth and she pulled back, but didn't make a move to get off my lap. I held the smoke for a couple seconds before I let it fall from my nostrils again.

"So hot," She whispered. I felt myself reaching my high as she moved her hands up into my hair.

"Why'd you kiss me?" I whispered.

"I kissed you because I wanted you. I wanted to see how you tasted." As she said this she got closer and closer to my face until finally our lips crashed together. I wrapped my arms around her and felt her tongue lightly rub against my lips, which I parted for her, and our tongues met in a fierce battle that had us panting for air when we broke apart. I stared at her for a while after that. I didn't know what I was doing with this girl, but I didn't regret it for a second.

"Where'd everyone go?" she whispered and I, for the first time since she got there, noticed that everyone had moved to other areas of the meadow.

"Probably to fuck or something, who knows," I said as she laughed.

"Do you feel like we should join in?"

"What?"

"Do you want me?" She whispered as she leaned down and took my earlobe into her hot little mouth.

"Oh god…yeah I want you." I stammered and she giggled.

"Good because I've been aching for you since our little session in the closet today."

She started pulling at her shirt and my hand shot out to stop her.

"Wait, Bella we should wait."

"Why?" She pouted and I almost took it back.

"We just met and I barely know a thing about you…I want to get to know you a little bit before we jump into sex."

She pulled her hands away from mine and gently climbed off of me.

"I get it."

"You get what?"

"You aren't into me."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I looked at her and she sighed.

"I heard from that Jessica chick that you will do it with just about everyone and if you won't do it with me-"

"Please, she's just mad I wouldn't have sex with her."

"What? She said you two hooked up."

"Yeah, in her dreams, I wouldn't touch Mike Newton's sloppy seconds if she was the last thing left on earth and I had to hump something. I'd hump a fucking rock!"

She started laughing hysterically and I smiled at the sight.

"So then," She started and I pulled her against me.

"I would have sex with you right now…this second…but I have a few morals Bella."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah…I never screw a chick I don't know…I wasn't raised like that."

"Your mother raised you to have sex as a teen."

"Not really, but she never said I shouldn't. She just handed me a pack of condoms after giving me the worlds most awkward and awful sex talk and the rest is history."

She laughed and sighed. "Wish my mom had been that cool."

"Tell me about her."

The rest of the night we spent getting to know each other and eventually the others came back to join us, asking questions of their own here and there. We learned a lot about her that night and at the end of the night she was one of us.

_

* * *

Present Day_

"After that night my life changed. I was with her every single day after that." I said as Alison smiled up at me.

"You loved her from day one didn't you?"

"I really did."

"You don't love me." She whispered and I sighed.

"No, I don't."

She got up and pulled me up against her. I held her tight and she held me back. I knew what this was. It had happened lots of times since Bella had walked out of my life. This was their personal little goodbye. Once they realized that my heart was completely shut off to idea of loving someone else they got out while they still could. Alison wouldn't be any different. She looked up at me with eyes that held nothing but remorse and pity.

"I know what you're going to say."

"You do huh?" She says with a little smirk in her words

"She'll come back."

"I wasn't going to say that."

"Then what were you going to say?"

"I was going to say that she never stopped loving you either."

I don't know when she walked out the door…hell I don't even know how I managed to get to my room. All I knew was what she had said…Bella still loved me…


	3. Circle the Drain

**Authors Note: Thanks so much for the reviews last chapter. I'm hoping to update this every single sunday, however as we all know RL tends to get in the way especially with School and children. So I'm saying Sundays for now but that may change in the future. Who knows. Anyways as a word of warning things are getting sort of dark. She's talking about their past at the end and he's getting into their past at the beginning. It's really emotional. So the only song in this is called circle the drain by katy perry and you can find it on her new cd teenage dream. Enjoy and let me know what you thought. **

* * *

**Chapter Three: Circle the Drain**

**BPOV:**

They say that things happen for a reason and that by the time that thing is over with we'll have known what that reason was…well if that's the case then why the hell did my ex husband come to my gig last night with his girlfriend? What was the reason behind that one huh? I rolled over in my big bed and groaned when I saw who was lying beside me. Jake and I had always had a bit of a thing between us, but for the life of me I could never commit to anything with him. Sure we had a lot of chemistry and the sex…oh my god the sex. We first started bumping uglies two weeks after my divorce was finalized. I know that makes me sound like a bit of a slut but if you'd gone through the bitter divorce and even more fucked up marriage that I had just gone through you would have been looking for some ass too. In fact after my marriage ended I never really stopped looking for ass. I had always been a little adventurous when it came to my sex life. I didn't consider myself one way when it came to my sexual orientation. While I loved getting dick more than anything there were times when all I wanted was some hot chick to come along and show me the way it was supposed to be done. Don't get me wrong guys know what they're doing to some degree, but girls…we just know what we're doing and we aren't shy about it one little bit. Anyways so that brings me to now. Now being me, naked, in bed with an equally naked Jake beside me. I groaned loudly in hopes that he might wake up and to my extreme shock he did.

"Bells?" He said as he rolled over to look at me.

"Hey," I whispered as he smiled then frowned.

"You did it again." He whispered and I knew instantly what I had done and regretted it.

"I'm sorry…it's probably because I saw him last night."

"Yeah you never did tell me why he was there."

"I'm not sure actually. I think they just picked a club and there we were."

"But aren't you close with Alice still?"

"Off and on. I've been talking to her through facebook, but we haven't really talked about what I've been up to."

"So wait you hid the band from her?"

"Yeah actually…I just didn't want that look from her."

"What look?"

"The look she always gives me when I'm doing something completely out of character."

"But being a singer isn't out of character for you at all. It's actually perfect for you…right?"

I smiled at him and nodded. "Of course it is sexy…other wise I wouldn't be doing it." I got out of bed and smiled a little to myself when I felt Jake's eyes roam over my naked body.

"Something you like?" I said as he licked his lips.

"Always." I frowned and walked to the bathroom to get away from him. Jake and I were anything but serious and I'd made that fact known to him time and time again. However he was stubborn and told me that he'd keep trying until the day I finally just walked away. At this rate that day was fast approaching. I shook that thought out of my head and turned on the shower. I would never walk away from Jake…he was all I really had left.

* * *

_5 years ago:_

"_I've had it with you and your shit. Get it together or I'm out the fucking door!" I screamed as he stared up at me with glazed eyes._

"_Bella," He whispered and I caved…I always caved to him. He was my weakness._

_I stared at him and sighed before walking away. I needed to get away and just clear my head for a while. Things weren't great right now and I knew in some way that was my fault. I'd gotten his hopes up and before either of us knew it that dream was gone. Well gone, but never really forgotten. I quickly got in my car and made my way to the edgier part of town. Before I knew it I was standing outside his door. _

"_James," I said and he smiled._

"_I knew you'd be back someday baby." That was all he said before I went in and ruined what little bit of a life I had left. _

_It took him two weeks to track me down. What he found however was the shell of the woman I use to be. While he drowned his sorrows in drink, I drowned mine in drugs. Before our lives had been screwed up all I did was the occasional joint, but after it happened…well I changed things up. I met an old friend, James…and before I knew it I was doing cocaine, heroin and basically doing whatever I could to get a nice big fix to forget all my troubles. So when he found me…he didn't really find me. _

"_Bella?" I looked up at him and the first thing that came to my mind when I saw him was his piano._

"_Baby, how come you never play anymore? God you use to be so sexy sitting in front of that black beasts, beating away at its teeth as beautiful screams came from its mouth."_

_He shook his head and scooped me up into his arms as I continued to ramble on about his stupid piano. _

_He put me in the back seat and ran his hand along my forehead. It felt nice to be touched by him again. He hadn't touched me since it'd happened and I missed it so damn much. He pulled away and shut the door behind him before getting into the drivers seat. I hoped we were going home. I wanted to sleep in my own bed so badly, I hadn't slept in it since…I don't even remember the last time I slept in my own bed. I only know that it'd be a while. _

_We drove for a while until finally he stopped the car and turned to face me. _

"_Baby we both need to do this for us." I sat up and stared at him before looking out the window. Seattle Inpatient Treatment Facility…hell fucking now._

"_Get me the fuck of here." I said in voice lower than any I had ever used with him before._

"_Baby we both have a problem and we need to get help."_

"_You maybe, but I don't have a problem at all." _

_He shook his head before getting out and making his way to my door._

_I had planned to kick him the second he tried to touch me, but when his hands touched my face I lost all fight I had in me. His eyes were so full of pain and sadness that I felt myself giving in without even realizing it. _

_He picked me up into his arms and carried me into the facility. The rest of the day was spent getting situated and after that the rest was nothing, but a black hole. Detox…that shit was fucking brutal…god I hated it. When I finally came out of it I stared into the eyes of my husband and did nothing, but cry._

"_I'm so sorry…god if I had been healthier and smarter then we'd be fine…we'd have the life we wanted so much."_

_I looked at me with hatred in his eyes and I pulled away from him instantly. _

"_Edward," I whispered._

_He gave me one last look and walked away from me. In that moment I knew it was over. We would never again be who we once were…never again. I walked back to my room and the rest of my recovery passed by quickly and before I knew it I was standing outside the facility with my sponsor beside me._

"_Bella, the hardest part is over now we focus on keeping you healthy." _

_I looked at her and smiled slightly._

"_Thanks," I whispered._

"_I'm here for you always Bella." _

"_Thanks Angela."_

_I heard a car horn and smiled when I saw my sister in law pull up. _

_I walked over to Alice, who was getting out of the car and pulled her into my arms. "Thank you," I told her as tears fell from my eyes._

"_It'll be alright Bella. We'll get you through this."_

"_How am I supposed to get through this without him?" I said as she pulled away from me and took my face into her hands._

"_We'll get through this."_

_She helped me into the car and I gave Angela a quick wave before we drove off.

* * *

_

**Present Day:**

I turned off the shower and sighed. It was two weeks later that I'd moved out of Seattle and down to Arizona to be with my mother. My marriage had ended and I was finally for the first time since I was 14 truly sober. It felt good to have that part of my life figured out…then I'd met Jake and the rest…well the rest is as they say history.

I took a deep breath as the DJ announced us later that night for our second performance of the weekend. We usually didn't do two shows back to back like this, but because this was my hometown I'd made the exception. I'd known when our manager said Forks that I'd wanted to come here. This was my home and plus I knew Alice had moved back shortly after she gave birth to her first child, Ginger. I also knew, in my heart, that he was here too. I never saw him after our confrontation in rehab…the doctors said he requested to have his case transferred to Forks and I knew in my heart it was because of me. My words had hurt him more than I realized. He always thought we'd lost everything because it was just meant to be that way. However when I'd come to him crying about how it was my fault he knew the truth. I had been the reason we didn't get everything we wanted. I shook my head and stepped out onto the stage as Jake jumped around behind me. Tonight I was going to be performing a song I'd written shortly after meeting Jake. I'd written it with Edward in mind and when I saw he was sitting in the audience I knew he'd know where the inspiration for it came from.

"Thanks for coming out again guys. Tonight we'll kick things of with a little number I wrote 4 years ago called Circle the Drain."

This is the last time you say,

After the last line you break,

It's not even a holiday,

Nothing to celebrate.

You give a hundred reasons why,

And you say you're really gonna try.

If I had a nickel for every time,

I'd overbank.

Thought that I was the exception,

I could have rewrite your addiction,

You could've been the greatest,

But you'd rather get wasted.

You fall asleep during foreplay,

'Cause the pills you take, are more your forte.

I'm not sticking around to watch you go down.

Wanna be your lover, not your fucking' mother.

Can't be your savior, I don't have the power.

I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain,

Watch you circle the drain,

Watch you circle the drain.

You say you have to write your rhymes,

Whatever helps you sleep at night

You've become what you despise,

A stereotype

You think you're so rock and roll,

But you're really just a joke.

Had the world in the palm of your hands,

But you fucking choked

Should've been my team mate,

Could've changed your fate,

You say that you love me,

You won't remember in the morning.

You fall asleep during foreplay,

'Cause the pills you take, are more your forte.

I'm not sticking around to watch you go down.

Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother.

Can't be your savior, I don't have the power.

I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain,

Watch you circle the drain,

Watch you circle the drain.

You fall asleep during foreplay,

'Cause the pills you take, are more your forte.

I'm not sticking around to watch you go down.

Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother.

Can't be your savior, I don't have the power.

I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain,

Watch you circle the drain,

Watch you circle the drain.

Watch you circle the drain,

Watch you circle the drain.

You fall asleep during foreplay,

'Cause the pills you take, are more your forte.

I'm not sticking around to watch you go down.

Our eyes met as the song ended and I knew he understood. This song was about me through his eyes. This was how he had seen me and why he'd walked away when he did. I was circling the drain and he wasn't sticking around to watch me go down.


	4. Not like the Movies

**Authors Note: Quick little thing here that I'm going to just clarify. If I feel like posting the entire song for the whole dramatic effect or hell even for those who cant get the song and want to know what the words are that I have SPECIFICALLY chosen for this story then I will freaking post the darn lyrics in here! It's my FREAKING STORY! Sorry...I got a review that...well it made me rethink even writing this because they were going on about one of my other stories basically being a waste of time. It makes me sick when people do that just for their satisfaction and half the time they dont have the guts to sign in and leave some kind of trail. They prefer to be anonymous. It's so annoying!**

**Anyways this chapter finally brings about what the bad thing is that happened...well sort of. There is also a sort of answer to one of the reviews from the last chapter that should help you guys out. The song i used in here was Not like the Movies...I love it! I also have another new story called Pearl that is basically about my past. If you like this please at least check it out okay? Thanks!  
**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**

* * *

Chapter Four: Not like the Movies**

**EPOV:**

Staring up at her I couldn't decide whether to be angry at myself or at her. The song she was on the stage belting out was one of ours. It was a song that spoke of so many nights alone when I was trying to piece together the disaster that was our lives together and apart. She knew I was watching, I could tell by the way she was singing and the way her eyes would occasionally focus on me. She had written this about herself and about the way I'd acted when she was stoned or drunk or just generally out of her fucking mind. I had loved her, even when she was tweaked out of her mind and going on about clouds on the ceiling. I'd loved her. The song ended and the band played on. I couldn't look at her anymore without remembering the day I'd finally decided that we'd had enough. It had happened two days after we'd checked ourselves into rehab.

_Five years ago…_

"_Edward," the nurse said as she poked her head into my room, "you have a visitor."_

"_If it's my wife can you please tell her I'll see her tomorrow?" I whispered before rolling back over in my tiny little bed._

_I heard the door close and assumed that she'd done as I'd asked her to do. _

"_Son," I turned around and saw my father standing beside me with a look of utter devastation written on his face. _

"_Dad, what's wrong? Is it mom? Alice?" I shot up and grabbed his arms in order to brace myself for whatever news he had for me. _

"_It's you son." I pulled away and my arms began to shake and soon my whole body began to as well._

_He moved me back down to the bed, and kneeled down in front of me. "Edward," He whispered before he pulled me into his arms and I fell limp against him as the tears fell. We stayed like that for a while. I was grieving for the man that I once was, while he was grieving for the son he felt like he was losing. We finally pulled apart and I could see the determination in his eyes._

"_We're going to get you better son."_

"_Bella," I whispered as he looked down._

"_Edward, what happened?"_

_I shook my head. It was too soon…I couldn't even being to form it into words. But I knew he needed some kind of answer. They all deserved something because a year ago Bella and I were great._

"_It got bad…worse than we ever imagined it could get and it happened so fast…I lost her so quickly dad." I whispered and he nodded._

"_Is she here with you?"_

"_I had to drag her kicking and screaming…she was so messed up, worse than I was. I only have a drinking problem and the occasional drug use, but Bella…dad she was so high I didn't even recognize her. She wasn't my Bella anymore dad." _

_We talked for a good hour before I realized what I really needed to get better._

"_Dad I want to come home."_

"_When you get out?"_

"_No I want to transfer to the hospital in Forks. I want to go home and get better."_

"_And Bella?"_

_I looked down and shook my head. I couldn't take her with me. I was the reason she had gone back to the drugs and the alcohol. If I hadn't pushed her then we wouldn't have ended up in the place we'd gone to and things wouldn't be as messed up as they are now._

"_No, she needs to be here…away from me. It's my fault this is happening and I want to make sure that she gets better."_

"_Son, I think you need to rethink this. We can take much better care of the both of you back home."_

"_No…she needs…I can't be around her. It's not good for her when I'm around her."_

_He shook his head then proceeded to make his way to the door. "I'll make the arrangements son," He looked back at me with tears in his eyes, "Please rethink the situation with Bella. Your mother and I love her so much and all we want is to see her well too. Please just rethink this."_

_I nodded to him, but I knew in my heart that my decision was set. Bella was going to stay here and I was going to go home where I belonged. I felt like a selfish ass, but after years of her being the one to look out for me I felt like I was finally looking out for her. _

* * *

Present…

After that I'd gone home and gotten the care I needed. My dad told me he'd hired the best doctors to help Bella with her care and she'd been doing wonderfully. He didn't keep me up to date on her recovery simply because I didn't think it was my business to know about it. I didn't make any plans to divorce her and after months of silence I assumed that the ball was in my court. I had no idea what to do so before Christmas I settled on just ending things amicably when my mother handed me an envelope. Apparently Bella had decided that enough was enough. My mother cried through our entire Christmas celebration while my sister and her husband comforted her as best as they could. Alice only told me that it was her idea for Bella to send them…she'd needed the closure. So here we are four years later standing in some dive bar two miles from our hometown acting like nothing ever happened. I watched as she sang and danced around the room with a smile on her face. I'd done what I thought was best for her at the time and as far as I could tell it had been the right move. The smile that graced her beautiful features told me it had been. She looked down at me as she moved onto another song and I nearly fell to my knees. The poem she'd written to me when we'd just started talking came from her lips in an almost breathless whisper.

**He put it on me, I put it on,**

**Like there was nothing wrong.**

**It didn't fit,**

**It wasn't right.**

**Wasn't just the size.**

**They say you know,**

**When you know.**

**I don't know.**

**I didn't feel**

**The fairytale feeling, no.**

**Am I a stupid girl**

**For even dreaming that I could.**

**If it's not like the movies,**

**That's how it should be, yeah.**

**When he's the one,**

**I'll come undone,**

**And my world will stop spinning**

**And that's just the beginning, yeah.**

**Snow white said when I was young,**

**"One day my prince will come."**

**So I wait for that date.**

**They say its hard to meet your match,**

**Find my better half.**

**So we make perfect shapes.**

**If stars don't align,**

**If it doesn't stop time,**

**If you cant see the sign,**

**Wait for it.**

**One hundred percent,**

**With every penny spent.**

**He'll be the one that,**

**Finishes your sentences.**

**If it's not like the movies,**

**That's how it should be.**

**When he's the one,**

**He'll come undone,**

**And my world will stop spinning,**

**And that's just the beginning.**

**'Cause I know you're out there,**

**And you're, you're looking for me.**

**It's a crazy idea that you were made,**

**Perfectly for me you'll see.**

**Just like the movies.**

**That's how it will be.**

**Cinematic and dramatic with the perfect ending.**

**It's not like the movies,**

**But that's how it will be.**

**When he's the one,**

**You'll come undone,**

**And your world will stop spinning,**

**And it's just the beginning.**

She looked down at me and I gave her one last smile before walking out of the bar.

**

* * *

BPOV:**

The show was over and I was once again alone. Jake had opted for some guy time tonight and I was happy to give it to him. Tonight's show had unnerved me in a way I never once thought possible. He had been there almost the entire time just standing there, listening. We'd exchanged a few glances here and there, but never any actual words. However I knew our glances said more than our words ever could.

'_**How could you leave me?'**_

'_**Did you ever really love me?'**_

'_**How did this happen?'**_

'_**Do you still think about me?'**_

'_**Am I what you think about when she's kissing you?'**_

'_**Are you happy?'**_

My hands trembled as I pulled the frame out of my duffle bag. The simple silver frame that held the only thing in my life I gave a damn about. I stared down at its contents as tears came to my eyes. The anniversary was coming up. The day that changed my life in a way I never thought it could. My hand grazed over the script on the ribbon below the picture as tears came to my eyes. The words ran through my head like a chorus hell bent on destroying my heart…two simple words that held more meaning to me than any others.

**My daughter.**


	5. Her Diamonds

**Authors Note: Wow a lot of you werent happy with the last chapter. Well just please hold on a little longer okay. You're going to find out why he just walked away eventually. I promise. Just please hang in there. This chapter is the last present day one. The chapters after this are going to take place two years in the future and things are going to be a lot better for both of them. I know one of you thinks you know what happened. I'd love it if you sent me a message saying what you think it is okay? Especially after this chapter because you may be surprised. Alright there is a bit of a sex scene in this chapter and I dont like it. I dont like to write sex scenes, but i attempted it. Ah okay just let me know what you think okay?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

* * *

**Chapter Five: Her Diamonds**

**BPOV:**

I cried as I held the tiny picture in my hands. It was the only picture that I had of my daughter and I cherished it more than my own life. Tomorrow was going to mark the five year anniversary and I knew I couldn't do this alone, not this year. I put the frame into my small purse and grabbed my keys. I left a quick note for Jake incase he came back here so that he wouldn't worry about me. I had to do this…for her.

* * *

**EPOV:**

I walked into my tiny apartment and mindlessly walked into the living room. This place always felt so empty to me. I didn't realize until tonight exactly why that was. Remembering everything that had happened with Bella had left me feeling achy and alone. It didn't help remembering what tomorrow was for me. I quickly walked over to the closet and pulled out a dusty little box off the top shelf. It had been a really long time since I'd last looked at its contents and tonight I knew I needed to. I walked back over to the couch. I couldn't help the trembling in my hands as I pulled the lid off and looked down at the contents. Everything I had that represented my daughter was in this box. I pulled out the small locket I had gotten for her that had her initials etched into it. I slowly opened the heart and smiled when I saw the small pictures of Bella and I. I'd gotten this for her so she'd always know that her mommy and daddy were always with her. A tear fell from my eyes as I placed the locket back inside and pulled out the frame from the bottom. I looked down at the picture and ran my fingers along the glass. This was the only picture I would have of my beautiful daughter. The fuzzy black and white photo was the only thing had left of her. More tears fell as I pushed the box onto the couch and held the frame in my hands. I remembered the day Bella had gotten the frame for me as a gift. She had been so excited about our daughter and she wanted me to take the picture to my office so I could stare at her whenever I wanted to. Bella…I sighed as her name came to my mind. Tomorrow was going to mark the five year anniversary. I wondered how she planned to honor it. Would she cry? Would she drink? I had no idea what she even did for the other 4 anniversaries after we'd split up. In that second I realized I wanted to know how she honored the anniversary…I needed to know.

**-Knock-**

I looked up as someone knocked lightly on my door. I put the frame down on the table and walked the short distance to open it.

"Who is it?"

"It's me." I quickly opened the door and stared at the woman I found on the other side.

"Bella,"

"It's going to be five years tomorrow and…I wanted to spend it with you." She whispered and I pulled her into my arms.

Even with all the things that had happened between us, all the pain and anger, it felt good having her in my arms again. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed as I held her tighter to me. We broke apart and I took her hand into mine. She pull it away, but instead used her foot to close my door. We walked hand in hand to the couch and she saw the box. She looked up at me and I nodded.

"I kept everything." She took her hand back and looked down inside the box. She placed something down next to it and slowly pulled out the locket.

"Her locket?" She whispered and I nodded.

"I couldn't get rid of it. It was always supposed to be hers."

She looked at me as tears fell from her eyes and she closed the distance between us. I held her as she went on and on about how much it hurt and how hard things had been since it had happened. Five years ago we had been happy and excited. Five years ago our world was finally coming together. Five years ago I made a mistake that cost us everything.

_

* * *

Five years ago…_

"Come on man let's go out!" James said as he threw his arm around me.

"No man I have to get home. Bella is going to need me."

"God you act like you're 30. Come out with us man."

"I really need to get home. Bella is pregnant and I don't want her to get stressed out worrying about me."

"Whatever man. You're 21 you should be having fun not having kids."

"I've been married for 3 years James…kids are kind of part of that." I said and he rolled his eyes.

"You've been with this chick since you were 14…I don't get it and I don't want to." He walked away and I sighed. I'd been blowing my friends off left and right lately and honestly I didn't give a damn. All I cared about was my wife and our beautiful little daughter growing inside her.

I walked through the door of our small apartment and smiled when I saw Bella making dinner.

"Hi baby," She called as I put my keys down. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Hi beautiful. How are my girls today?" I kissed her cheek and she giggled.

"We're great. We just got home from the doctor."

I pulled away from her and leaned against the counter behind her. "Oh really now. How'd it go?"

"Why don't you look for yourself?" She said as she pointed towards the table.

I walked over and noticed a frame sitting face down in front of my usual seat. I picked it up and smiled when I saw the ultrasound picture nestled inside.

"You didn't tell me you were getting another ultrasound." I said as she laughed.

"I didn't know I was either. But the doctor wanted to check for a few things. They think I'm developing pre-eclampsia."

I walked over to her and she stopped what she was doing to turn to me.

"Bella that sounds serious."

"I know, I just have to watch my stress and relax as much as possible."

"Then why are you making dinner," I said as I pushed her towards the table and made her sit down, "I'll finish this up you just sit here and relax."

"Edward I can make dinner."

"No, I can do it. Just sit there alright? Please for me?" I said as I leaned down and took her hands into mine.

"Alright I will…for you." I kissed her knuckles before leaning up and pressing a light kiss to her lips.

_

* * *

Present…_

"Do you remember the day I found out?" She whispered and I nodded.

"I remember making you relax for the rest of the night."

She looked up at me and laughed. "You wouldn't even let me get myself dressed for bed. You insisted on doing everything for me. I'm lucky you didn't follow me into the bathroom."

"Oh I would have, but I knew you'd kill me."

"Damn right I would have." She laughed as we broke apart from each other. I watched as she reached behind her and grabbed the purse sitting beside the box. I knew what she was pulling out before she even handed it to me. It was the very last ultrasound picture we'd had done. It was one of those 3D ultrasounds that cost a lot but were really worth it. I smiled as I took in the features of our daughter.

"Your nose,"

"I like to think she would have had your eyes." She said and I realized that this was the first time we'd utter anything close to would have since we'd sat down.

"Bella,"

"I don't blame you anymore." She whispered and I felt my heart break.

"I do…every day I do."

"Edward as much as it pains me to say this, and believe me it really does, I think what happened…it was for the best."

My head shot up and I looked into her chocolate eyes for any sign that she was saying this for my benefit only to find none. "What are you talking about?"

She took my hands into hers and took a deep breath. "As much as we thought that we were ready…we weren't. We weren't ready for Lily yet."

I tried to tell her that wasn't true but the words didn't come. As excited as we had been…as happy as we had been…knowing what I know now and having gone through what I went through…I knew she was right.

"Bella,"

Her eyes filled with tears and I pulled her against me.

"I've missed you so much Edward. Why did you leave me there? I needed you so much and you were gone."

"I had to go Bella. It was my entire fault you were there to begin with."

"No it wasn't!"

"If I hadn't gone out with the guys you wouldn't have had to…Bella you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

She started laughing and I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

"We always do this. We blame ourselves when in reality it was both of us. We were both to blame for what happened. Edward we can't change the past we can only work on the future."

"I know."

"I came here tonight to see what you've been doing on this day for the past 5 years and I'm glad I did," she cupped my face in her hands and stared into my eyes, "I love you Edward, I don't say that because I want you back nor do I say it mess with your head. I say it because it's the truth. I love you with everything in me. You are such a huge part of me and every day I miss you more and more. But you…honey you're so lost and alone. I saw you with that girl tonight and all I kept thinking was how lonely you looked. When was the last time you let someone in?"

"Not since you." I whispered and tears came to her eyes.

"I never want that for you. I want you to have a life. I want you to get married and make beautiful babies with bright green eyes and bronze hair. I want you to tell them about all the silly things we did in high school and all the ways we got in trouble. Most importantly I want you to be happy Edward. It would kill me if you weren't happy."

I put my hands on top of hers as I leaned over to kiss her palm.

"Bella, that's all I want for you too."

She smiled at me as a smile came to my lips too.

"Then tonight we make a promise. Tonight we say goodbye for real this time and tomorrow we start anew. We start over for Lily…she wouldn't want this for us."

"I promise." I whispered as Bella leaned forward and pressed her lips lightly against mine. We stayed like that for a few minutes before she pulled back and looked into my eyes.

"This is our goodbye Edward…why not make it a good one?" She winked at me and I felt my dick jump in response. She wrapped her arms around me and pressed her lips against mine urgently. I wrapped my arms around her as I pulled us up. Our tongues battled for dominance and I quickly pulled her legs up to wrap around my waist. She moaned as her center hit me and I felt her get even hotter. We broke apart and my lips attacked her neck as she threw her head back. "Bedroom," She moaned and all I could do was nod. We crashed against my bed as clothes flew off of us in a hurricane like fashion and before I knew it we were pressed against each other completely naked.

"Baby it's been so long I don't think I can wait." I whispered as she nodded.

"Me neither. Just please I need to feel you."

"Condom," I said before I started pull away only to feel her legs tighten against my back.

"No need, I've been on the pill since Lily."

I leaned down and kissed her as a silent thank you. I'd wanted to be in her bare one last time and now my wish was coming true. I slowly lined myself up with her center and looked up into her eyes. She nodded in response to my unanswered question before I pushed myself completely into her.

"Oh my god," She moaned.

"I know…god it's been…you're so tight."

"Oh Edward, I'm already so close. Go fast…it's been so long I need you to go fast."

"I won't last long baby."

"It's alright neither will I."

We moved together perfectly and before I knew it my orgasm ripped through as Bella's walls clammed down on me, I watched her face as she came and committed it to memory. We held each other as tears fell from our eyes and I was reminded of a song I'd listened to often when Bella would cry in our kitchen. I looked down at her and smiled as I remembered the words.

"Let me play you something before you go." I said and she smiled at me.

"Sure,"

I covered her carefully with a blanket before I yanked by boxers back up over my hips. My guitar was lying against the wall across the bed and I grabbed it before I joined her.

"Remember that song I use to listen to."

"Her diamonds?" She whispered.

"Yeah, I learned it a couple years ago. Can I play it for you?"

"Yes,"

I strummed the guitar lightly as the words started coming from me.

**Oh what the hell she said  
I just can't win for losing  
And she lays back down  
Man there's so many times  
I don't know what I'm doing  
Like I don't know now**

**By the light of the moon  
She rubs her eyes  
Says it's funny how the night  
Can make you blind  
I can just imagine  
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
But if she feels bad then I do too  
So I let her be**

**And she says oh  
I can't take no more  
Her tears like diamonds on the floor  
And her diamonds bring me down  
Cause I can't help her now  
She's down in it  
She tried her best but now she can't win it  
Hard to see them on the ground  
Her diamonds falling down**

I looked over at her and saw the tears falling from her eyes. I felt like I was back in our old house and she was crying over everything that was happening to us. She looked up at me and smiled that same old smile she use to give me every time she knew things were going to be alright and I smiled back at her.

**She sits down and stares into the distance  
And it takes all night  
And I know I could break her concentration  
But it don't feel right**

**By the light of the moon  
She rubs her eyes  
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry  
And there's something less about her  
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do  
So I sit down and I cry too  
And don't let her see**

**And she says oh  
I can't take no more  
Her tears like diamonds on the floor  
And her diamonds bring me down  
Cause I can't help her now  
She's down in it  
She tried her best but now she can't win it  
Hard to see them on the ground  
Her diamonds falling down**

**She shuts out the night  
Tries to close her eyes  
If she can find daylight  
She'll be alright  
She'll be alright  
Just not tonight**

**And she says oh  
I can't take no more  
Her tears like diamonds on the floor  
And her diamonds bring me down  
Cause I can't help her now  
She's down in it  
She tried her best but now she can't win it  
Hard to see them on the ground  
Her diamonds falling down**

I put the guitar down and crawled up beside her. She wrapped her arms around my body as she cuddled next to me. I placed a kiss against her forehead as she sighs.

"I'll always love you my Isabella."

"You'll always be my prince Edward." She whispers back to me as sleep begins to claim us.

* * *

The next morning I woke up to find the sheets cold and her things gone. I instantly missed her but this had been her goodbye to me and I loved her even more for it. I picked up the phone and dialed my sister.

"Alice,"

"Hey big brother what's up?"

"She's gone isn't she?"

"She left this morning." She said without missing a beat.

"Did she seem happy?"

"She did. They're going to start recording an album and so we'll probably see her on T.V. a lot."

"I'm glad."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine…everything is fine Alice."


	6. Last Friday Night

**Authors note: Okay so i'm sorry this took so long. But i didnt know what to write for the longest time and it took a while. But i was thinking and well this is the chapter that came from it. It's got a scene in it that...well you could consider it rape i guess. But it's got abuse in it so whatever you'll see. Side note yes i do have all the lyrics to songs in this but after this chapter I'm not so sure i'm going to do that anymore. But only if you guys PROMISE to listen to the songs. I pick them for a reason people.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**

* * *

Chapter 6: Last Friday Night**

**BPOV:**

Everyone says that there's nothing like a nice long nap to take care of all your worries. I personally think they were wrong. I found that taking a nice long shower was ten times more effective than any nap ever could be. So after an extremely long rehearsal this afternoon I found myself standing in the middle of my shower humming my opening song while bits of shampoo threatened to invade my eyes.

"Bells," I threw my head under the water as Jake opened the door and called for me.

"Just a minute Jake, I'm rinsing my hair."

"Hurry up okay. We need to head down to the theater soon."

"On it," I called back as he closed the door behind him.

I quickly finished the rest of my shower before toweling off and throwing on the clothing I'd left on the vanity. I knew that the stage crew was going to do whatever they wanted with my hair so I didn't even bother blow drying it for free of the nest the simple action would make of my head. Opening the door I was instantly face to face with my best friend.

"Bella, seriously will you stop with the damn hair dye!" Jacob said as I giggled.

"What's wrong with a little change?"

"Bella, baby, you got like four colors in there."

I walked over to the mirror and smiled when I saw what he was talking about. My hair was black with bits of red streaks through it, while blue and pink highlights layered my face.

"I happen to love it."

He wrapped his arms around me from behind, as I smiled and leaned back against him.

"You're beautiful, but I still say no more hair dye. This head is going to end up bald if you keep doing it."

I laughed as he walked out of our room. This was the new me and frankly I loved it.

* * *

"Finally," I said as I walked out of my dressing room and looked for the guys.

"Hey Bells, you looking for Jake?" Seth, our new drummer asked.

"Yeah, have you seen him?"

"He's off with Vanessa again."

"Those two are like joined at the hip or something. She does realize that he has to play on stage without her tonight right?"

"Who knows…hey can I ask you something?"

"We were a thing, but it was mostly the sex that kept us together. Once that stopped we just went back to being friends."

"Okay, because I always wondered. So are you?" I smiled at him as he stopped and I shook my head.

"Sorry Seth…I'm not interested in dating…at least not right now." He gave me a quick smile before walking off to finish set up. I felt bad, but if I couldn't commit to someone who I actually cared about how could I start something with someone I barely even knew. I shook my head and went off to find my stupid horny best friend.

"Ness come on, just one before the show."

"Jacob someone is going to see us."

I found them standing near the supply closet and smiled to myself when I noticed that Jacob's left hand was up Vanessa's shirt and the other one was on the door handle to the closet.

"Yeah like me." I said when I noticed that Vanessa was getting more uncomfortable by the second.

"Bells," Jake sighed as he pulled away from his girlfriend, who was thanking me with her eyes.

"We have a show to start soon so stop trying to get laid. I'm sure she'll want to do you afterwards any way."

Vanessa blushed as Jacob nodded at my words.

"She always does."

"So what songs are you guys doing tonight?" Vanessa asked as she ignored Jacob's words.

"Well I was thinking we'd do Last Friday night, but there's one that I've been itching to do for weeks I just have to ask you boyfriend if it'll be alright."

"You want to do that song?" He asked, finally catching on to our conversation.

"Yes…I know it's a really deep song, but it's my past and I love that song to death."

"You know I have a part in it right?"

"Of course that's why I wanted to run it by you first."

"Why not do the piano version?"

"I want to save that for the record. That version is the original before I added you into it…that version…it's for him." I whispered as Vanessa took my hand into hers.

We hadn't known each other for long but we were forming a really great friendship that I was finding myself depending on more and more as the days flew by.

"Alright Bells, sounds good."

I walked over to Jake and threw my arms around him. "I love you Jake…thank you." We broke apart and I quickly walked to where the other guys were finishing setting up.

"Hey guys I want to add a song to the set if that's all right."

"Sure Bella," Sam, our manager said as he handed me a pen. After jotting down the change the guys looked it over and were pleasantly surprised. I knew they all loved the song, but I had been the reason that we weren't playing it live…well until now that is.

The rest of the set up went really well and before I knew it I was standing up on the stage singing my heart out. I had just gotten through my other emotional song, my hands, when Jake tapped my shoulder and I knew it was time.

"Ladies and Gentlemen…enjoy." I said before I walked over to my keyboard and started playing. (Bella is **_bold/italic_** and Jake is **Bold**)

_**On the first page of our story  
The future seemed so bright  
Then this thing turned out so evil  
I don't know why I'm still surprised  
Even angels have their wicked schemes  
And you take that to new extremes  
But you'll always be my hero  
Even though you've lost your mind**_

_**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
But that's all right because I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
Ohhh, I love the way you lie**_

_**Now there's gravel in our voices  
Glass is shattered from the fight  
In this tug of war, you'll always win  
Even when I'm right  
'Cause you feed me fables from your hand  
With violent words and empty threats  
And it's sick that all these battles  
Are what keeps me satisfied  
**_

_**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
But that's all right because I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
Ohhh, I love the way you lie**_

_**So maybe I'm a masochist  
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave  
Til the walls are goin' up  
In smoke with all our memories**_

**This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face  
Smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction  
Hush baby, speak softly, tell me I'll be sorry  
That you pushed me into the coffee table last night  
So I can push you off me  
Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me  
Run out the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy  
Baby, without you, I'm nothing, I'm so lost, hug me  
Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me  
Then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the  
Destructive path that we're on, two psychopaths but we  
Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs  
That we'll have each other's backs, 'cause we're that lucky  
Together, we move mountains, let's not make mountains out of molehills,  
You hit me twice, yeah, but who's countin'?  
I may have hit you three times, I'm startin' to lose count  
But together, we'll live forever, we found the youth fountain  
Our love is crazy, we're nuts, but I refused counsellin'  
This house is too huge, if you move out I'll burn all two thousand  
Square feet of it to the ground, ain't shit you can do about it  
With you I'm in my f-ckin' mind, without you, I'm out it**

_**Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
But that's all right because I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
Ohhh, I love the way you lie**_

**_Love the way you lie_**

Jake called for a quick intermission and dragged me off the stage. Tears were pouring from my eyes and my mind was slipping back into memories of my past.

* * *

_**6 years ago:**_

"_FUCK YOU EDWARD!" I screamed as he came barreling towards me with hate in his eyes. I knew he was too stoned to give a damn about what he did…hell I was too stoned to give a damn what I even said to provoke him. _

"_I'll fuck you all right!" He threw me down on the ground and quickly got on top of me. I screamed as the buttons were thrown off of my top and I fought against him to get him as far away from me as possible._

"_Get the fuck off me you stupid asshole. GET THE FUCK OFF!" I kept kicking and he kept pulling until finally I managed to get my knees up just enough to make contact with his balls. He fell to his side while I quickly got up and moved to the other side of the room._

"_Fuck Bella that was my fucking balls you stupid bitch!" He groaned as I laughed._

"_I told you to get the fuck off me didn't I?"_

"_Fuck you bitch." He got up and stomped off into the other room. I started taking deep breaths until I heard the door to the fridge open. I quickly made my way to the kitchen and yanked the beer out of his hands._

"_Give that back." He said and I glared at him._

"_No,"_

"_I said give it back."_

"_No you don't need to get any worse tonight."_

"_Fine," He stalked away from me and I followed knowing exactly where he was going. I yanked the bottle off the coffee table before he could reach it._

"_Bella if you know what's good for you'll give me the fucking bottle right now."_

"_You know what I don't care how stoned you get that doesn't bug me at all. But when you fucking drink you're a nightmare Edward."_

"_Oh and you're so easy to live with. You're high all the time and when you're not high you're just down right pleasant. I don't even know why I put up with your shit."_

"_I don't know why I put up with yours either."_

"_Because I'm the best fuck you'll ever get."_

"_I've had better." I said as his fist connected with my face._

_I fell to the ground as the bottles shattered around me. I looked up at him as he seethed down at me. _

"_Take that fucking back right now."_

_I knew in my mind that I should just take it back because it wasn't the truth in the slightest, but I wanted to win tonight so I lied once again. "Why it's the truth…you're always telling me not to lie." I whispered as he yanked me up to him and crashed his lips against mine. _

"_I'll show you best fuck." He said before he dragged me to our bedroom. _

_He threw me down and my fist met his face before he could kiss me. He laughed and tore my shirt away from me and I started yanking at his. He pulled me up against him and threw my bra across the room before crashing his lips against my nipple and I moaned loudly. I heard him mumble about being the best and I pushed him away. He slammed against the wall and I walked out of the room. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back against him. _

"_Don't walk away again." He whispered before crashing his lips against mine again. I wrapped my arms around him as he fumbled with my jeans before I felt them being yanked against my hips. I quickly shimmied out of them before jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist. He walked us back into the bedroom and threw me down on the bed. I watched as he yanked his jeans and boxers off before he yanked me down by my hips towards him. He ran his fingers against my heat before ripping my panties off. "I'll show you the best." He said before he pushed himself into me. I screamed in pleasure as he rammed into me again and again. I felt myself getting closer as his speed increased and his fingers found their way to my sensitive clit. "You better fucking cum for me." He whispered and I shook my head._

"_Make me asshole." _

_He smiled before he rubbed my clit once again and I tumbled off the cliff I'd been teetering on the edge of and he followed after me. He collapsed against me and I ran my hands through his hair. I felt his breathing start to slow and I knew he was finally calming down. He looked up at me and ran his hand down my face._

"_Why do we do this to each other?" He whispered as tears fell from his eyes._

_I shook my head as my tears fell. "We're psychotic." I whispered and he laughed._

"_I love you so much Bella…I do."_

"_I love you too Edward…I just don't know if that's enough." I said before he pulled out of me and lay down beside me. I curled up against him as his arms wrapped around me. He placed a gentle kiss against my head and for a second I believed that tomorrow would be different.

* * *

_

Jake wrapped his arms around me and I smiled up at him. "Don't we have a show to finish?" I asked as he laughed.

"I wasn't sure you were still there Bells. You've been out of it for a few minutes."

"I'm fine Jake. Just a trip down crappy memory lane."

"Someday I'm going to get the back story of that song alright." He said and I nodded.

He helped me up and we walked back onto stage to finish the show.

The crowd was going crazy and finally we were getting ready to close out the show with my other favorite song that I'd written after I moved past the Edward situation earlier this year. I gave Jake a small smile and he started playing the beginning of the song as the crowd cheered.

"This will be our last number for the night. You guys have been amazing. Thank you!" I screamed before I started singing.

_**There's a stranger in my bed,**_

_**There's a pounding in my head**_

_**Glitter all over the room**_

_**Pink flamingos in the pool**_

_**I smell like a minibar**_

_**DJ's passed out in the yard**_

_**Barbie's on the barbeque**_

_**There's a hickie or a bruise**_

_**Pictures of last night**_

_**Ended up online**_

_**I'm screwed**_

_**Oh well**_

_**It's a blacked out blur**_

_**But I'm pretty sure it ruled**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**Yeah we danced on tabletops**_

_**And we took too many shots**_

_**Think we kissed but I forgot**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**Yeah we maxed our credit cards**_

_**And got kicked out of the bar**_

_**So we hit the boulevard**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**We went streaking in the park**_

_**Skinny dipping in the dark**_

_**Then had a menage a trois**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**Yeah I think we broke the law**_

_**Always say we're gonna stop-op**_

_**Whoa-oh-oah**_

_**This Friday night**_

_**Do it all again**_

_**This Friday night**_

_**Do it all again**_

_**Trying to connect the dots**_

_**Don't know what to tell my boss**_

_**Think the city towed my car**_

_**Chandelier is on the floor**_

_**Ripped my favorite party dress**_

_**Warrants out for my arrest**_

_**Think I need a ginger ale**_

_**That was such an epic fail**_

_**Pictures of last night**_

_**Ended up online**_

_**I'm screwed**_

_**Oh well**_

_**It's a blacked out blur**_

_**But I'm pretty sure it ruled**_

_**Damn**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**Yeah we danced on table tops**_

_**And we took too many shots**_

_**Think we kissed but I forgot**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**Yeah we maxed our credits card**_

_**And got kicked out of the bars**_

_**So we hit the boulevards**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**We went streaking in the park**_

_**Skinny dipping int he dark**_

_**Then had a menage a trois**_

_**Yeah I think we broke the law**_

_**Always say we're gonna stop-op**_

_**Oh whoa oh**_

_**This Friday night**_

_**Do it all again**_

_**Do it all again**_

_**This Friday night**_

_**Do it all again**_

_**Do it all again**_

_**This Friday night**_

_**T.G.I.F.**_

_**T.G.I.F.**_

_**T.G.I.F.**_

_**T.G.I.F.**_

_**T.G.I.F.**_

_**T.G.I.F.**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**Yeah we danced on table tops**_

_**And we took too many shots**_

_**Think we kissed but I forgot**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**Yeah we maxed our credit cards**_

_**And got kicked out of the bar**_

_**So we hit the boulevard**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**We went streaking in the park**_

_**Skinny dipping in the dark**_

_**Then had a menage a trois**_

_**Last Friday night**_

_**Yeah I think we broke the law**_

_**Always say we're gonna stop**_

_**Oh-whoa-oh**_

_**This Friday night**_

_**Do it all again**_

I walked off the stage and immediately ran to my dressing room. I opened the door and was the least bit surprised to find her standing there.

"Hi Alice."


	7. I love the way you lie

**Authors note: So i got this out faster than i thought i would. But here it goes. It's mostly from Edward's point of view and you're going to get a big important flashback. Enjoy...oh and thanks so much for the past reviews. I loved them! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**

* * *

Chapter 7: I love the way you lie**

**EPOV:**

"Edward," I looked up at smiled at my pixie size sister as she walked into my room.

I got up and put my hand against her stomach as she smiled up at me. "How's my niece today?"

"Oh just sitting on her mother's bladder as usual." I laughed before walking over to my computer and sitting down.

"How's the novel coming along?"

"It's coming…I'm kind of stuck on some parts though."

"Well maybe this will help." She held her hand out and I noticed that there was a bag hanging from it.

"What's this?"

"Just something that may help you with your novel."

I looked down into the bag and my head shot back up to Alice. "You got it?"

"Yeah…look I know you didn't want to hear it but there are a lot of really good songs on there that will help you."

I pulled the CD out of the bag and stared at the cover.

"She looks good."

"I'm in love with her hair."

"She always wanted to add those colors to it, but we never really got around to it."

"Yeah that's what she said."

"She said?" I looked up at Alice who was looking at me sheepishly, "Alice did you call her?"

"I wanted to see how she was doing. Don't worry we didn't talk about you."

I turned away from her and started messing with my computer again. "It wouldn't have mattered if you did."

"She broke up with Jake."

"That's nice."

Alice took this as a hint that I didn't want to talk anymore so she gave me a quick squeeze on my shoulder then walked out the door.

Once my door closed I looked down at the CD and slowly picked it up. I turned it around and started reading the names of the songs and stopped when I got to the very last one. It was a piano version of a song I'd recently heard on the radio. My curiosity got the better of me so I quickly opened the case and removed the CD before placing it in the drive of my computer. I waited for my iTunes to register and moved the cursor down to the song before double clicking it. My ears were met with her beautiful voice and I almost stopped breathing at how sad she sounded.

_**On the first page of our story**_

_**The future seemed so bright**_

_**Then this thing turned out so evil**_

_**I don't know why I'm still surprised**_

_**Even angels have their wicked schemes**_

_**And you take that to new extremes**_

_**But you'll always be my hero**_

_**Even though you've lost your mind

* * *

**_

_6 years ago:_

"_I love you so damn much," Bella said as she crawled up my body. I felt myself getting hard as she crawled past where I wanted her to be so badly. I pulled her up to me and kissed her lightly against her lips._

"_Marry me again." I whispered as she giggled. _

"_After she's born."_

"_Really?" I asked and she nodded._

_I kissed her passionately as she straddled me. I felt a light kick against my stomach, as we pulled apart._

"_I guess someone misses her daddy." She whispered and I laughed._

"_I'm going to spoil her so much once she's out of there."_

"_I can't wait…four weeks baby…I cant believe it." She said before she rolled over and I wrapped my arms around her. _

"_It went so fast. Lily is going to be here in less than a month."_

"_Maybe sooner depending on what the next appointment says." She whispered and I nodded._

_The doctors had recently put Bella on bed rest because she had developed __preeclampsia__ over the last week. We'd done everything our power to avoid it, but the doctors told us that it sometimes just happened to women regardless of how hard they tried to not let it. We'd had to change our entire life around, but we both agreed that it was worth it if it meant that we'd have a healthy little girl in the end. _

"_What time is Alice coming?" She asked and I leaned over to kiss her forehead._

"_She'll be here in about 20 minutes. You know I don't have to go out if you don't want me to Bella."_

"_Edward I've been keeping you from your friends for months. You need to go out and have one last fun night before she gets here. Once she's here we're not going to get many fun nights." She smiled up at me and I kissed lips softly._

"_I don't deserve you."_

"_Oh I know that." She laughed and I rolled my eyes._

_We stayed like that until Alice came over and I was pushed out the door by my loving, sometimes hair brained sister._

"_Edward man over here!" James called as I walked through the crowd and over to my friends._

"_Hey man it's about time you made it out." Laurent said as I laughed._

"_It's kind of hard with a pregnant wife at home."_

"_Ha yeah James said she's about to pop."_

"_Yeah we may have our little girl in about a week or two."_

"_I thought she wasn't due for another month." James asked._

"_She developed __preeclampsia__ so they're just waiting till the 37__th__ or 38__th__ week before making any decisions."_

"_Oh, so this might be the last time you come out with us." Laurent said and I nodded._

"_Then lets make the most of it!"_

_Four hours and a lot of drinks later I was standing against the wall of the bar trying to dial my wife's phone number. After four tries I finally managed to place the call._

"_Hello," _

"_Bella, baby," I slurred and I heard her sigh on the other end._

"_What's up baby? Are you too drunk to get home?"_

"_Yeah…sorry I got a little carried away."_

"_Baby I'm going to have to call Alice to come get you."_

"_Why isn't she there?"_

"_Because it's 2 a.m. she needed to get home."_

"_But I asked her to stay with you. What if something had happened?" I said and I heard her groan._

"_Edward nothing is going to happen to me lying in this bed. Now tell me where you are so I can come get you."_

"_Okay I'm at __MacLaren's__, do you know where that is?"_

"_Of course baby. I'll give Alice or Em a call. Just stay put."_

"_I love you."_

"_You too baby."_

_I leaned back against the wall and stared up at the sky trying to count how many stars I could see through the cloud cover. Suddenly I felt warm hands against my chest and I looked down to see a blonde woman staring up at me._

"_I've been watching you for a while handsome."_

"_That's nice." I said as I removed her hands from my chest._

"_You look kind of lonely. Want to get out of here?" She said as she leaned up against me._

_I cringed as her breath hit my ear and I pushed her away._

"_No thank you."_

"_What come on baby…I know you like me. I can tell."_

"_I don't like you."_

"_Well your body seems to." She said she suddenly palmed me through my jeans. I backed away from her and covered myself with my hands to protect myself._

"_What the hell!" I said as I looked behind her and saw my very pregnant wife standing two feet away, horror written on her face._

"_Bella!" I said as I pushed the cheap whore away and ran to my wife who was standing there staring at me. I finally made it to her and grabbed her shoulders._

"_Bella it's not what it looks like." She didn't respond so I gently moved her chin so that we could make eye contact._

"_Baby she was hitting on me. I was trying to get her-"_

"_Edward, who is-" She leaned over and quickly grabbed her stomach as I wrapped my arms around her._

"_Baby what's wrong?"_

"_It's Lily…oh my god Edward it hurts." She said as she looked up at me before her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed against me._

"_Bella, baby look at me. Bella!" I held her against me as we dropped to the sidewalk and I felt for a pulse. When I found it I realized that it was extremely week and I screamed._

"_HELP! Someone call 911." I watched as a woman crouched down beside us with her phone in her hand._

"_Bella baby stay with me please. Please baby don't leave me."_

**PRESENT:**

I pulled away from the memory and in that instant I knew what I needed to write next.

* * *

**BPOV:**

"Alice," I said as she walked over to me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"I missed you Bells." She said as I smiled.

"I missed you too. God you look good for just having a baby a couple months ago."

"Thanks, I'm giving all the credit to my kinect though. I've been playing that exercise game every free chance I get." She said and I laughed.

"That makes two of us. So what brings you out here?"

"This," She said as she handed me a book. I looked down at the cover and smiled.

"He finished it."

"He finished it after your album came out a few months ago. I thought you would want a copy of it."

"Thank you Alice," I said before I looked back up at her, "How is he?"

"He's good. I think it was good for him to put this out there. It helped him heal."

"That's what my album did for me."

"I'm really proud of you two." She whispered and I smiled at her.

"Thank you."

"Well I have to get back to my little monster, but Bella please come home soon. I really want you to meet Matilda."

I pulled her into my arms and held her tight against me. "Count on it."

Once she was gone I quickly gathered me things and made my way back to the hotel room. Once I was inside I quickly showered and changed before lying down on the comfy bed I would only be sleeping in one more night before we got back on a tour bus. I opened the novel and smiled when I saw the dedication.

_-To the woman who changed me life in more ways than I ever could have predicted…you are my pearl and I love you_-

I opened to the first page and quickly dived in.


	8. Cut

**Authors Note: I know it's been a while. I'm sorry. I got stuck and then I tried to get some inspiration and it finally came in the form of the Vampire Diaries Soundtrack. So here is the newest chapter. I want to give a big shout out to my new pre-reader..pastelroses...honey you are amazing thank you so much for helping me out!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing as per usual.  
**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Cut**

"Bella," Jake knocked as I looked up.

"What's up?" I said as I closed the book in my hands.

"Reading again?" He asked as he closed the door behind him.

"It's hard to put down."

"You'd think you would know it by heart at this point." He laughed to himself before sitting down.

"It's nice to know how he felt about this. I never really knew."

"You two were too busy ripping into each other to really care what the other one thought."

I looked down and smiled to myself. "Isn't that the truth?"

We sat in silence for a few moments, both of us content to just be in the same room together, before I realized that he had probably come in for a reason.

"So what's up?"

"Does there have to be something up to come see you?" he said with a glint of humor in his eyes.

"Jake when Nessie is here you never just stop by…what's going on?"

"They want you to write a song."

"Who does?"

"The record label, it's for a movie."

"What movie?"

"Edwards." He said his face one of complete seriousness.

I stared into the face of my best friend as my mouth opened of its own accord.

"They want a song about…"

"They want a song about the two of you."

"Well the whole damn album is about him and I. They can just take their pick."

"Bella," Jake said as he walked over to me before crouching down and taking my hands into his, "honey I know this is going to be hard. They want something new, actually they want two songs."

"Two songs," I whispered as he nodded, "Jake his story is about me."

He wiped the tears from my eyes as more fell onto his hands.

"Bells,"

"Every word of it is about me. I...I said good bye to that…to everything 2 years ago. I can't do it again…I can't live in those shoes again." I said as images of the daughter I should have had came to my mind. I quickly pushed them away as Jacob started speaking.

"Bella if you don't do this they'll get someone else and that person will ruin what you could make beautiful. I know it's hard but it's your story and it only seems right that you be the one to give it music."

I closed my eyes as I thought about what he was telling me. I was torn in two at that moment. Part of me wanted to say screw it and have some other bimbo write the music that would most like end up blaming me. The other part of me wanted to take the reins and write something that would do not only do me justice, but our past as well. I opened my eyes and stared at Jake. "I'll do it."

He kissed my forehead before leaving to tell the guys my decision. I knew Sam would be happy about this. He had been hoping for some new exposure for me since the tour had ended last month. However I was happy doing the occasional public outing and relaxing at home for the moment. This was going to throw us right back into the spotlight especially when the tabloids figured out the truth about Edward's book. "Crap," I said before falling back onto my bed. I looked up at the window and for the first time I noticed that it was raining. Figures mother nature would be feeling the same way I was right now.

* * *

After my decision days began to blend together as writing became my main priority. Sam had decided that the lyrics had to basically all come from me, since it was my story after all. So I'd thrown myself into figuring out the perfect songs to really get the point of our past across. I read the book over and over again just to make sure I was getting his side of things perfect and I pulled out some of my old journals from the time I was pregnant. There were nights where all I wanted to do was find a bottle and bury myself in it, but I knew that it wasn't going to help. So instead I wrote songs that described exactly how I felt and I pictured the past as I played my piano. Finally after days and days of working I walked into Sam's office and threw a stack of papers on his desk.

"What's this?" He asked as he put his phone back down on the receiver.

"These are the songs."

He picked up the papers and started looking them over. "You wrote the melodies didn't you?"

"I know you said the guys could do it, but they're mine Sam and I wanted to write the whole thing."

He stared down at the pages and I watched as a look of sadness came to his face before he shook it off and looked up at me. "How soon can I hear them?"

"How soon are we going to start recording?"

He smiled at me and I knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Tomorrow baby…we start tomorrow."

I gave him one last smile before turning around and walking right out.

* * *

**"In another life**  
**I would make you stay**  
**so I don't have to say**  
**you were the one that got away**  
**the one that got away"** I finished with tears in my eyes before taking a big deep breath.

"Bella that was fucking great!" Sam said as he walked into the recording booth with a huge smile on his face.

"You think so?"

"This song and 'Cut' are going to be a hit." He said with excitement in his eyes.

"Thanks Sam."

"You did good kid." He said before turning around and walking out.

"He's right Bells, these two songs are amazing."

"Thanks Jake." I whispered as I started gathering my things.

"So are you okay with going to the premiere in a few months?" he asked, hesitation in his eyes.

"I want to see how they incorporate my songs into the movie…so yeah I'll be fine."

"Bella," Jake said as he tried to grab my hand.

"Jacob I'm fine. Really I mean all this stuff it's in the past and I'm trying to live in the here and now. I appreciate everything you do for me every day, but I'm fine. I mean it." I said as I stared into his eyes. I knew he didn't believe my words and that okay, but he needed to back of a little bit before I said something I would regret.

"Okay," resignation clear in his voice.

"I love you Jacob, you're my best friend, but you're driving me crazy."

"Okay I'll back off."

"Thank you. Now go hang out with that girlfriend of yours." I said before giving him the finger and walking out.

"Hey Bella, can you hold on a second?" Sam asked as I neared the exit.

"What's up?"

"As you know we've been invited the premiere of the one who got away."

"Yeah I know."

"Well if the songs are a hit they want to do a video for one of them. The decision in the end will be up to Edward." Sam said as he watched my face for any signs of pain or anger.

"Oh," I said as I looked down. I honestly had no idea how much of a say he had in the movie, but knowing him it would end up being a lot.

"So I'm going to be sending these to his people once I'm finished editing."

"Okay."

"I just wanted to give you a heads up Bella."

"I appreciate it Sam." I said as I gave him a small smile. I really did appreciate his honesty.

"Go home and get some rest. You've been working hard lately you deserve some peace."

"I really love you Sam."

"As do I belly bean." He said as I gave him a small smile and walked away.

* * *

Two days…that's how long it took for his world to come back into mine. Although I will admit those were the longest damn days of my life.

"Hello," I said into my phone as I walked from my laundry room back up to my apartment.

"Bella?"

"Alice?"

"HEY!" She screamed as I nearly dropped everything in my arms.

"Alice volume please I don't have a free hand to remove the phone from my ear."

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to hurt you poor ear drums I'm just so excited."

"I can tell, hold on a second while I unlock my door." I put the phone in my basket and quickly let myself in before making my way over to the couch. "Okay I'm sitting now. What are you so excited about?"

"You're doing a song for the movie."

"You heard?"

"Hell yeah I heard! Bella that is awesome."

"Thanks…I actually did two songs for it."

"Yeah I got to hear them both today."

"You did? So Edward has them?"

"Yeah he does. I guess he has to decide which one you have to make a video for."

"That's what my manager said. Any idea on which one he's going to choose?"

"Nope, he let me listen to them and then he locked himself in his house. I haven't seen him since earlier today."

"Oh…I wasn't trying to hurt him." I whispered.

"Oh Bella…I don't think you hurt him. I think the songs are beautiful and they really capture what happened you know?"

"Thanks Alice."

"I just wanted to call and tell you that they were great. Oh and Matilda loves the beat of the first one."

"I'm glad she does. I miss that little kid."

"We'll have to come visit again soon Bella."

"I know you guys were just here a few weeks ago, but it feels like it's been years."

"I know it feels that way to me too."

"I love you Ali."

"I love you too Bella. Maddie is up from her nap so I need to get going."

"Okay give her a kiss for me." I hung up the phone and leaned back. Edward was listening to my songs right at this moment. What was he thinking? Did he like them? Did he hate them? Did he hate me for writing them? In all my paranoia I barely registered that the phone in my hands was ringing until it almost went to voice mail.

"Hello,"

"Bella, its Sam he picked the song he wants a video for."

"He did? Well which one?"

"He wants a video for Cut." He said it in a way that made me wonder if he was thinking Edward made the wrong decision.

"Figures," I said as Sam laughed.

"I know I thought for sure he'd want the more upbeat tune."

"Not Edward, he always likes the things that get right down to the point of it and cut does just that." I knew that cut was going to be the one he would end up picking…I just didn't want to be right.

"You're right. So we'll get started on that one soon babe. I'll talk to you later."

* * *

Two days later we were shooting a video for cut. It was simple really. All I had to do was stand in a forest with the guys as I sang the song with them playing in the back ground. However when it got to the chorus in the middle rain would fall from the sprinklers in the ceiling down onto me. They had me in a wedding dress that was dirty and torn in areas. The guys were all dressed in suits that had bits of mud and ash on them. We all looked pretty bad ass in my opinion. They even pulled my hair into an up-do with a veil just to make the look even better. It was actually pretty cool when we were shooting it. My hair did this really awesome falling thing where the tendrils that were framing my face came down and…well it was pretty awesome. Sam said that they were going to add scenes from the movie throughout the video so that's why they didn't have us doing a whole lot in it. I didn't care because the whole rain concept was perfect for the theme I was trying to convene through the lyrics. The shoot only took a day and a half, but when it was over it felt much longer. Drained and tired beyond all belief I dragged myself home and collapsed on my couch.

Sam told me the next day that they were going to get the video out quickly so that it would draw a bigger crowd to the movie which was coming out at the end of the month. So a week and half later I was sitting in front of my television anxiously awaiting the premiere of 'Cut' on MTV. I sat up as the screen flashed world premiere across it and I heard the sound of Jake's keyboard through my speakers.

**I'm not a stranger**

**No I am yours**

**With crippled anger**

**And tears that still drip sore**

**A fragile flame aged**

**Is misery**

**And when our hearts meet**

**I know you see**

**I do not want to be afraid**

**I do not want to die inside just to breathe in**

**I'm tired of feeling so numb**

**Relief exists I find it when**

**I am cut**

**I may seem crazy  
or painfully shy  
and these scars wouldn't be so hidden**

**If you would just look me in the eye  
I feel alone here and cold here  
though I don't want to die  
but the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside**

**I do not want to be afraid  
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in  
I'm tired of feeling so numb  
Relief exists I find it when  
I am cut  
**

**Pain  
I am not alone  
I am not alone**

**I'm not a stranger  
No I am yours  
with crippled anger  
and tears that still drip sore**

**But I do not want to be afraid  
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in  
I'm tired of feeling so numb  
Relief exists I found it when  
I was cut.**

I smiled as the video was replaced by some reality show before turning the television off. It had been absolutely perfect…exactly what I had hoped for. My phone rang from its place beside me and I answered knowing exactly who it would be.

"Did you see it Jake?" I asked and was met with silence, "Jake?"

"Bella…its Edward."

* * *

**Please review! okay i dont do this often but i'm pimping out a story. Rabbit heart by KitsuShel...it's very good!**


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